About the distant future and decisions.

The last time i posted something i was still living in Stockholm. Now i live in Lund. Yes i moved, again!

As my internship of three months came to an end in February i decided together with my boyfriend to move back to the south of Sweden. We knew that we wanted to live together again, as long distance relationships suck for obvious reasons and because it simply felt right to move close to the beating heart of the university that we are both enrolled in.

Leaving Stockholm was hard and not as easy as i had imagined when i got off the train threee months earlier. At the same time, i was able to make really good connections with some people that i will definitely see again in the not so distant future. My eager management of activities and being a real “list keeper” of places (mostly food related) that i still wanted to see while being in Stockholm really paid off. I went to see beautiful galeries and nature reservats, tasted sweet treats at many cafes and experienced the Royal Opera. I went to Tallin & Riga with the well known cruises that go for very little money to Eastern European capitals. Living in Stockholm definitely left a mark and i will always cherish this time for future experiences to come. As i closed that chapter by taking the train to the south of Sweden last month, another chapter called “Master thesis” presented itself.

In my constant need and desire to plan everything in detail i focused on finding an interesting topic for my thesis whilst still working at my internship. Knowing that a lot of my classmates already found topics and even started working on it, raised my perfectionist heart-level to a max. Instead of accepting the fate that it might be more reasonable to focus on the later hand in August i started to rush things and e-mailed as many companies that i possibly could. Yes, living in the now might be applicable when i travel and enjoy things but not when it comes to everything else. After many e-mails sent out i found a municipality institution in the South of Sweden that was able to provide me with insights and some data. Without really evaluating the strengths and the realisation of the idea i was already intrigued by the opportunity to actually contribute to practical and relevant procedures. With days and weeks passing by i felt less excited about and and had to make the rather drastic decision to end the project. A difficult decision, but once spoken out i felt so relieved and excited about starting something i really want to work with. Just because something feels already set up and impossible to just take the next exit out, does not make it your destiny. Having experienced this situation in many instances of my life already, ranging from small decisions to bigger once, it is so liberating to just listen to your instinct what feels right or wrong.

So that is why today on international women’s day i feel proud of all the times i failed, big or small time, went up in the morning and moved on with my life in the most amazing way possible.